dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
