sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
