I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
