Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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