Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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