I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
