just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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