OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
