tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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