Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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