so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
