He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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