i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
