Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Mom said you looked used
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
