Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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