Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
