I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize