By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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