brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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