So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
