He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
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casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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