MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
