the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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