I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I skipped work to stalk him.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
