I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
