I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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