Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize