Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i drank out of a bidet.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
