I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Randomize
