Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She said her name was "party"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
