Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
