Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you had me at cake vodka
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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