Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
