david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
