I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
