her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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