Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
