Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
