I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
