If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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