If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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