who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
