they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
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I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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