I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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