So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
