Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
