I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
