WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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