your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
