im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
