does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
