I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
