They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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