But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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