A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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