she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
