New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
