Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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