I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
