I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
sarcasm needs its own font
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
