ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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