He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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