my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
