WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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