Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
