dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
