Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
