TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
