Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
