i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
