We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
