Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
