Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
