he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You took a bar mat shot.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
