Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
