He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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