so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
